ENGL 101 Middle East College A Life With My Mom Abroad Essay I’ve wrote a first draft essay about “A life experience that I’ve learned a lesson from” insid

ENGL 101 Middle East College A Life With My Mom Abroad Essay I’ve wrote a first draft essay about “A life experience that I’ve learned a lesson from” inside file named “My Work”.

And my supervisor she corrected the work and give me feedback. Now the requirement is to correct the work based on her feedback inside file named “Feedback”.

*** I’ve uploaded Two files named “My Work” and “Feedback”. Abdullah Almasroori
ENGL 101
Narrative Essay – First Draft
Sunday, 24 May 2020
A Life with My Mom Abroad
I went out into this world knowing nothing, and I encounter many situations that I learn
from. Life is full of situations that we live in, including what might be beautiful, some of which
are difficult, and others. I always find myself in difficult situations that I might not know how
to act in them, and sometimes I fail to confront them. But with this failure, I could learn a lesson
from it. Have you ever had an experience in life that you learned a lesson from? Well, mine
was thirteen years ago. My mother has always had many ambitions and dreams that she strives
to achieve diligently and completing her master’s degree was one of them. On a Saturday
spring, with the gentle breeze and the birds chirping, my family and I were sitting in the
backyard ready to have lunch. We did not know at the time that there was something going to
change our lives.
When lunch was over, my mom decided to tell us the news. Her face was almost pale,
she was not aware of how we would accept the news. “It’s time for you to know,” said my
mom in a subtle tone of voice. After a lot of conversations with my dad. He agreed that she can
go to the United Kingdom to earn her master’s degree to gain experience and be more
specialized in her work field (Women Sports). This was a huge shock to me and my siblings, I
did not accept the news in a good way. My mood was volatile, I did not know if I should be
happy for her or mad at her. I ran quickly to my room, crying so hard, and chanting, “How
could she leave us for so long?” Days passed and I started getting used to the idea. Parting my
mother was very difficult, but my she kept reminding us that her success is our success.
Almasroori 1
On August 17, 2007 it was time for her to travel. It was a tough moment for all of us,
our feelings were mixed, and I burst into tears, sad about her separation. My mother promised
us that she will communicate with me and my siblings via video call every night. Her condition
was, that we must complete all our school homework first so that we can call her. In addition,
she promised that every summer we will travel to the United Kingdom to visit her and spend
time there, which was very exciting. I did not want to attend school the next morning, but my
father insisted. My mind was distracted all day thinking about my mom. I sat in the last chair
of the class. Her being away has made me absentminded and wool-gathered most of the time
which affected my academic grades. When the midterm results were out, my mom noticed that
my grades in school had started to get lower, she was not happy at all. She called that night,
“This is not the Abdullah I know,” mother said with shiny eyes soaked in tears. This sentence
moved a feeling inside me, as if I had let her down. I started working on myself and stayed up
the nights to study and seek knowledge, it helped me gain trust and self-reliance in myself. I
promised my mom that I will do my best and work my way to the top to make her proud.
My siblings and I got closer day after day, we get to spend time together. At first, I
became responsible of my younger brother. Being responsible at the age of seven was a huge
deal for me, I had to help him with his homework and take care of him. This encouraged me to
be responsible of myself too. In fact, it is great, to be responsible means that you are moving
from living the victim’s role to the top of the ladder of success. And when you take
responsibility for your life, you accept the fact that you are the one who creates your life instead
of just being a person affected by the surrounding circumstances, you will become the decisionmaker, and you are the one who chooses and you are the one who takes challenges and
overcomes them instead of being crushed beneath them.
This experience has taught me three important lessons. First, accepting my thoughts,
feelings, words, and actions is the first step in taking responsibility, because these elements
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that builds my life experience. I chose to create my life through what I think, what I say and
what I do. Second, to focus on the present moment. Taking responsibility for my time.
Remembering that the only real moment is the present moment “now.” The past is past, and
the future is not yet coming. I learned to not think about what happened yesterday or what will
happen tomorrow and be sure to live the current moment as it is and enjoy it as much as
possible. Lastly, to set a goal in mind and make my choices based on it. I have the power of
choice. In fact, I choose and make decisions all day long. Tea or coffee, red or black shirt, I
always choose, even when I do not, I decide to choose nothing! I always make sure to link this
ability to my larger goal.
Being an international student now here at the United States, makes me realize how
hard it was for my mother to study abroad. It differs from the life in the societies in which we
used to live before traveling, and it requires intellectual change and openness to new
experiences. There is no doubt that studying abroad in general is useful in many aspects; it
leads to the acquisition of skills and creates a confident personality (and at the same time
flexible). It eliminates the phenomenon of extremism and militancy resulting from narrowmindedness and seeing the world from a unique perspective, which creates a whole
understanding generation, and this is an indication that leads to the self-sufficiency that society
will receive later.
Almasroori 3
The professor’s Feedback:
Abdullah, this paper is a good solid first draft, with a sense of voice – we get to know
you as we read this. The thoughtfulness and discussion is there. The conclusion offers a strong
lesson, but it needs to be developed by scenes from your life as you experienced life on your
own, so that more of the journey has been shown to the reader and the conclusion feels ‘earned”
by the content of the essay. The paragraph development and key ideas should be able to lead
the reader nicely through some other aspect of your growth toward independence, and we can
see you in action that way. I believe that you have a good sense of ’cause and effect logic’ that
builds through the essay, but for revision, develop the final part of this essay. Your illustration
of helping your brother is a “middle” scene, but after that, the essay becomes quite abstract;
there is no ending scene and no resolution to the stressful problem you propose – you had to
learn to live without your mother, and it seems like you actually did figure out how to do that.
Was there a moment when you realized that it was going to be ok? that could be a place for a
final scene. The purpose of a narrative essay is to show the readers the lessons through the
experiences of the writer. You are almost there. IThis paper has a beginning scene (the garden)
it has a (not quite developed fully) middle scene (with your brother), but then it needs to
develop further illustrations (examples from your life) so that the ending lesson feels more
connected to the content of the essay. I know there are probably many examples, but focus on
what you did (at school? at home? did you travel alone to see your mom? did you resist
temptation to fall into bad habits? How long was your mom away for? Did you and she create
special rituals or did she give you special projects? -Did her independence yet continued
connection allow you to plan your own independence?) Look over the paper for places that
might just need a bit of clarification. Finally, the first two paragraphs can be combined and
streamlined, the word YOU can be removed, and save the philosophical details about life for
the conclusion. Do not forget that Narrative means Story — every story should have a
“beginning, a middle and an ending” – ending scenes can be useful ways to tell stories as well
as to illustrate points you want to make. This essay will be revised for your mid-semester
portfolio and it will also be revised again for your final portfolio. Good work on the second
part of this paper. Excellent answers to the questions. One comment about conventions is that
the verb tenses in this paper need work. You switch from past to present – for a narrative it is
best to keep all the verbs in the past tense.
Almasroori 1

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