De Anza College Communication Social Exchange Theory Paper In both the textbook (Ch. 9) and in the class notes, Social Exchange Theory was explained as one

De Anza College Communication Social Exchange Theory Paper In both the textbook (Ch. 9) and in the class notes, Social Exchange Theory was explained as one way to evaluate the relationships we choose to either maintain or not. For this week’s Skills Report, please address the following:

Consider a recent relationship (workplace, friendship, or family) where you found yourself having to determine whether to maintain or discontinue it. In this skills report, address the following:

Using Social Exchange Theory, analyze this situation and how you might come to a decision about it.
How accurate do you feel this theory is in providing a framework for evaluating a relationship and deciding whether it is worth continuing?
What are other areas of your life where you have (or might be able to) apply the Social Exchange Theory framework in order to help you make a decision?

This assignment should be typed, double spaced and approximately 1-2 pages. The assignment is worth 15 points total. See the rubric below for evaluation/grading criteria.

note is Relational Termination

Not all relationships can be maintained, and some dissolve or are terminated, especially when we witness signs of problems. Your text explains the decline according to the “steps” in Knapp’s model. This de-escalation or decline happens when there are tensions that exist in a relationship. And as individuals build trust and intimacy, they might also start to differentiate themselves from being a “couple” or “close friends”.

Stagnating/Turmoil: When conflicts in a relationship increase. Or when the relational partners just “go through the motions” of being together; the relationship is stagnant.

this could lead to the stage of…

Deintensification and Avoiding: This might be characterized as:

-decrease in time spent together on activities

-decrease in time spent conversing on deeper topics that require more self-disclosure; talk centers around mundane, everyday tasks, nothing of significant importance

-each relational partner might find other activities or people to start spending time with in order to avoid the other relational partner (starting to be indicative of INDIVIDUALIZATION–where less use of “us” and “we” and more use of “me”, “mine”, “yours”; the relationship is being defined differently from being a “couple”)

these behaviors could lead to the stage of…

Separation: Sometimes in a relationship, the partners have to just stop having any interactions. This usually plays out in terms of physical separation and distance between the partners.

If this relational pattern is not changed, then likely “TERMINATION” happens–the relationship ends. Which in turn leads to the relational partners being in a stage where they experience POST-INTERACTION Effects. What do you think characterizes this stage? What are some linger effects of a close relationship that has ended?

Do relationships always have to follow this trajectory and decline in this way? No.

The behaviors indicated above, only characterize the stages one might go through when a relationship is on the decline. However, at any point, it is possible to cross over to the other side (that is, get back on the path of relational development and maintence?).

How is that possible?

Look at Knapp’s model–at the stage where one is integrating and bonding–it is all about having trust and intimacy in the relationship. So if relational partners are able to engage in behaviors (sometimes with the help of interventions such as counseling), then partners could develop trust and intimacy again and find themselves jumping out of relational decline and back into maintenance again.

Social Exchange Theory is a theory that might also help us to determine whether or not it is “worth it” to stay in a romantic relationship or close friendship and try to repair it, or to let it decline and terminate. Social exchange theory argues that every choice we make is made because of some sort of tangible or intangible benefit.

Social Exchange Theory indicates we look at our relationships in terms of immediate, forecasted, and cumulative rewards and costs.

Immediate rewards and costs – assessments of the present moment (for example: how am I currently benefitting from this relationship–such as in terms of time, money, happiness, etc? But what is it costing me, such as in terms of time, money, happiness, etc?)

Forecasted rewards and costs – Based on prediction/future outlook (for example: How might I benefit from this relationship in the future? What will it cost me in the future?

Cumulative rewards and costs – sum total of accrued rewards/costs in a relationship; the “big picture”. (that is, overall, are the benefits of this relationship worth it compared to the overall costs to me)

Here’s an example of a situation where someone is starting to consider the rewards and costs of a being in this particular relationship:The BREAK-UP (Links to an external site.)

Have you ever experienced having gone through this process in order to determine whether you stay friends with someone?

For example, I had a friend who is a lot of fun to go out with-she likes to do some of the same activities as I do and we have a good time when we go out. However, she has a lot of emotional baggage. And she called me all the time to talk about her problems, but when I gave her advice, she would get mad at me because she didn’t want to take the advice. And then she started saying mean things about other mutual friends of ours and causing problems between me and them. So, in considering what I was getting as a benefit out of the relationship (going to some fun outings once a month) versus the cost (aggravation, dealing with her anger, losing other friends), I decided the “cost” was just too much and I slowly started avoiding her and ultimately ended our friendship.

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So let’s say, you determine (maybe via your Social Exchange Theory analysis or other means) that you need to terminate a relationship…

Breaking UP is hard to do

As relationships de-escalate, there are are “turning points” in what might happen when it “ends”

Ending a Relationship: (ways in which it might “end”)

Fading away (lack of contact, avoidance, slowly let it just “die out”.)
Incrementalism – conflicts/problems that accumulate and prove to be too costly (social exchange) “not worth it anymore”; one person has to decide to “end it”
Sudden death (event/conflict, major relational violation)
Ghosting – breaking off a relationship by stopping all communication and contact with the partner without any apparent warning or justification, as well as ignoring the partner’s attempts to reach out or communicate. (A fairly new term which originated in the 2000’s; practice of this is facilitated due to use of technology as a means of communication)

Some reasons given:

Faults
Unwillingness to compromise
Feeling constrained by the relational partner
Expectation violations

What are other reasons that we give as to why a relationship has to end? Do men and women give different reasons? Do men and women focus on different needs/issues for ending a relationship?

One Model for actually ending a relationship (i.e the process we go through):

Intra psychic phase – we evaluate partner’s behavior to justify reasons to withdraw (perhaps via Social Exchange Theory analysis)
Dyadic phase – confront our partner
Social phase – make the information public (gotta let others know, right?)
Grave-dressing phase – “the story” that you tell others to help you grieve/get over it; the “getting over it” phase.

Every “break up” has a story, right? And there are always different versions from each side–why do you think happens and to some extent, do you agree that the different versions are necessary?)

Strategies for Ending relationships:

(strategy chosen depends on level of intimacy and comfort)

Indirect – avoidance; redefine the relationship—let’s be friends; increasing costs for other person—picking fights, violating relational rules

Direct – explicit statements provided, which may include:

directly terminate without concern for the other
give justification—give reasons for disengagement/why need to terminate
redefining the relationship and giving reasons (such as “I think we would be better friends, than lovers”)
use a positive tone—takes into account concern for other, so as to let them down in a compassionate way

What kinds of statements/strategies have you ever used to “break up” or disengage from a relationship? Which strategy is the most effective? (What do you think is the best strategy?) Which would you prefer be used on you?